Who AM i?

I keep on because He keeps on

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 23:09:13 -0400

Recently I have been flooded with emotions. I had been going through this roller coaster of highs and lows, and it seemed as though the stops were hitting more lows each time the roller coaster would take it’s trip. Even when I didn’t want to too, and though no one “seemed” to be handling the controls….I was finding myself on yet another roller coaster ride and the lows were unbearable. At least, that is how it seemed. I remember back in 2002 having a very intense phone call with my father, arguing the fact that my “plans” were better than any plan God had for my life. In that conversation, I remember him saying to me “Dinah, you are just like Jonah!! God has a work for you and you are so disobedient!! You intend to run from God, but there is no where to run from God. No matter what you try to do and where you try to hide, God will make Himself known to you. Even if He has to swallow you whole in the belly of a big fish for you to listen. Obey!!” Of course, I ignored my fathers voice and went my own way. But God remained close to me. Shortly after that time that fish came to pay me a visit and I spent time with the Lord. Of course not under water and not in the actual belly of a whale but due to some circumstances that arose at that time and the location, I spent some time away from my husband and literally alone with the Lord and it was then that the Lord made radical changes in my life. The way He spoke to my heart, the way He brought me such peace and comfort in the midst of trials and the way that He assured me all would be well, I was sure that no matter what came my way, I would keep my trust in Him and obey Him. From 2004 until now my family and I have faced varies of trials from physical ailments (both myself with my MSKD and my husband with Arnold Chiari Malformation w/ Syringohydromyelia), we almost faced divorce BUT God and the list goes on. I realize now that everything that has happened in our life was most definitely ALL for the glory of God. I look at our lives together and how far we have come and I am just so full of overwhelming joy to even be apart of a testimony so full of restoration & so full of love & hope. In the time that all of this has taken place, there have been many times that I have wanted to give up, many times when depression has been so overwhelming to the point where suicide seemed like the only possible solution. I told myself that my family would be better off. Depression can be so overpowering and the need to want to be with Jesus so great that death just seems like the only answer and patience is so far from tolerable. I remember in 2009 having to be checked into St. Josephs Psych Ward after an attempt to take my own life. The depression at the time was so real and at that time the situation had become so unbearable. I remember while I was in the ward my father came to visit with me and asked me what I wanted him to bring me and all I wanted was my bible. Inside the ward, they kept giving me different drugs so often times I would see my son running around my room, even though in reality he was not really there. One night I could not take it anymore so I left my room to read in the cafeteria and as I read my bible there a girl asked me what I was reading. I remember sharing with her the gospel. I told her why I was there and how I knew that I really was not hopeless, Jesus was my hope. I was wrong for what I had done and didn’t want to wallow in self pity but needed to repent. After I shared the gospel with her, I remember her getting up to walk away from me. I thought to myself… man, maybe I scared her away. But, shortly after se returned to tell me that she had gone to her room alone to pray to God to also ask her to forgive her. She told me it was the first time she had prayed in over ten years. I was in the ward for over a week and everyday I shared with her the gospel of Jesus. Though depression led me to attempt in killing myself, I ended up sharing the gospel with a young woman and she went on her own to repent and pray to God for salvation. I kept on because He keeps on.

I couldn’t help but remember that this week as so many things have been going on lately in my life. I was talking to one of my close sisters recently just telling them about the roller coaster of highs and lows that I have been on. How the Lord is always encouraging me to keep on pressing on no matter how low I feel, because He will lift me up. I know that because of mistakes that I have made and gossip, or misunderstandings… I have lost important people in my life, people I once called “friend” now act as if I do not even exist. The pain I feel to know that I am treated a certain way now or have been spoken about because maybe someone heard I was committed to St. Joes, or maybe I was too transparent at one of my events and I shared about my depression and so it left them feeling a certain ay about me…. etc. I just know that all I can do is love God and love others. Live out 1 John 2:6, if I claim to abide in Christ then i MUST walk as He did. I must strive to carry the burdens of others, no matter what.

It gets so hard. My heart hurts so much sometimes with how cruel some people can be with their words and with gossip. My heart hurts so much with how people can be with unforgiveness. BUT no matter what, I keep on because He keeps on.

I keep on what you ask?

I keep on loving.

#Prayer (There are probably tons of grammar errors due to my...

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 22:48:36 -0500

#Prayer
(There are probably tons of grammar errors due to my amazing phone spell check. My apologies off the top)
Those of you who know us personally know the situation with my husbands brain. In 03 he was discharged from active duty as an US airmen after they told him scans of his head (he had done after falling from a loader) showed he had a brain conditon called Arnold Chiari Malformation. The brain stem (cerebellum) protrudes low and sat close to the entrance of his spinal canal. A normal cerebellum sits higher within the back our head. Joey’s hung low into the entrance of his cervical spine. When he fell off the loader the stem fell lower into the spine aggravating a condition called syringohydromyelia (syrinx). It is liquid that clots within a cavity of the spine & if left untreated can eat away at the spinal canal causing permanent damage to the nerves & spine. When Joey was diagnosed in 2003 it was shortly after he had fallen & he was still in the Military, at that time they were giving him a hard time with what they were going to do because it was his turn to ship out to iraq. But then this occured. So after a year of medical board hearing, they released him as a disabled veteran into the VA. It took another year of the VA finding a neurosurgeon who would be able to perform the Decompressive Craniectomy that Joey needed to relieve the pressure & collapse the syrinx in the spine. At the time they informed us that the surgery was not a cure but a way to slow down the process of the disease. They offered to place shunts inside of his spine that would drain out any other syrinx but told us the risks involved. We decided not yo do it. His surgery took 12hrs on November 25th 2005. For 7 seven years he had regular visits to the VA hospital to regulate pain & monitor his condition. On Dec. 7th 2011 They gave Joey repeat Brain scans & spine scans because his symptoms had been increasing over that last year more frequently & his pain more intense. The results of that scan showed he had another syrinx growth & they referred us to another neurosurgeon. We went in to see his regular doctor who told us that Joey was sick again & he increased all of his medications. Made sure Joey received everything that would help keep him comfortable & told us that we needed to be patient & wait on the VA to schedule an appt with a neuro team. See, being a veteran means we deal with the government & the way they work is at their own pace. It took them seven months to contact us to let us know that the scans he had done back in dec. 2011 were done without contrast & now they needed some with contrast, so on November 6th 2012 … 11 months after the first set of scans, they gave him the second set of testing. Two days later on November 8th we received the results that the syrinx had now grown in length from the cervical spine where it originally started back in 05 to the T9 of his thoracic spine. We were told that the neurosurgeon doctor would contact us soon. As we still had not heard & it had been a year, but about a week later we got a letter in the mail from the VA telling us that his appointment with the VA neurosurgery department was January 9th. For us it was bitter-sweet. We were happy that we finally had an appointment & that it was after the holidays, but now the reality hit that in just another month we would have to face this all over again.
I recently found this Chairi Institute in Milwaukee Illinois that did mot exist back in 2005 when Joey had his first craniectomy. Because he is a 60% rated veteran he is the only one that has health insurance so he is covered BUT, he is only allowed to be seen at the VA hospital in Tampa. He is not covered outside of that facility. Today I am writing them to ask for their help. I am putting my trust & faith in God. If it is His will, then even a simple response back will help us.
I am asking for your prayers during this time. For those brethren who are close to us, I know you have been carrying my family in prayer for a long time. It seems almost insane that not just one but two parents are ill. Joey with this & me with my kidney. For Joey, he is a veteran & has health care coverage so he has been able to keep his condition quiet for years because his surgery was so long ago. For me, I am not covered under his VA medical coverage because the VA will not give him 100% for his disability … Joey is only rated at 60%. So my health care coverage has been very expensive & it is why your support to my ministry has been greatly appreciated & we are truly thankful. I know it can be overwhelming & many times I have shared with close loved ones that I did not want to share my burdens with others for fear of what people might think. But, I am thankful that I have beautiful people close to me that reminded me that it is not about me nor is it about Joey. It isn’t about what people think. These are the realities of my life & my families life right now & this is what we are going through. I chose to share it because I do need prayer, I want to encourage as well, also want to help others that have it worse off then we do because I know for a fact that right now there are families suffering so much & they have it so much worse then this. I am reminded of that daily & it gives me a chance to be thankful for what I do have!!!
I am reminded of the story of Lazarus. Jesus was greeted by Martha & Mary when he arrived in Bethany who both were sad because their brother was ill. Mary was the one who washed the feet of her savior Jesus with her hair, so she knew who He was. Jesus told them specifically that this illness lazarus had would not lead to death but would instead lead to the son of God being glorified. A few days later he leaves. When He returns, He finds them weeping because Lazarus had died. When He was accused of too late & when He looked around to see their reaction, the bible records that His spirit was overwhelmed & He wept. This is recorded to have happened twice. But why? Was it really because Jesus was sad that lazarus had died? Or was it because Jesus, who was indeed their savior, the son of God had already told them that the illness would not lead to death?? Why couldn’t they believe that?? I do believe Jesus was sad to see them hurting so much because John records that Jesus loved all three, but He told them the illness would not lead to death because as God He knew He would raise lazarus from the dead. He tells them this by saying “it is for the glory of God, so that the son of God may be glorified through it.” In verse 4 of chapter 11. The bible records Jesus was greatly troubled when He wept. Not greatly sad, greatly troubled. Possibly from the unbelief of the people. Did Mary forget who Jesus was? This was the same Jesus that she washed his feet with her hair afterall. Then right before Jesus raises Lazarus he tells Martha in verse 40 “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would have seen the glory of God?” … They roll the stone away and He then lifts up His eyes to His father in heaven praying (our savior praying, so beautiful).. “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me. (Our Jesus thanking God for hearing him…so amazing) but, I said this on account of the people standing around, that they believe that you sent me.” Then Jesus cries out in a loud voice. Lazarus, come out. He has to thank God for hearing him, then telling God I know you always hear me but these unbelievers needed to hear that so they know it was you that sent me. Then what is interesting is that when lazarus comes out, he is still bound so Jesus yells for them to unbind him & let him go. Almost as if to prove one last time … See, he really is alive. Unbind him to see that this illness did not lead to death, like I told you it wouldn’t last week.
I love that story because I chose to believe that God will get glory through this situation in the lives of both myself & my husband Joey. Back in 09 him & I went through a really hard time & because of our humanity, we were hurt and we made stupid, selfish choices. We had some really amazing people who stood by our side even through out the scrutiny of that time because they believed that even through that, God would get the glory and they never stopped believing for us. I am so thankful for them. They saw the now when we couldn’t. I can’t tell you how hard this time is & how it has been for us for the last few years now. This night seems like it has been dark for so many years, I lost count. One thing remains though, I will not sit by the gate of Bethany to yell at my Jesus “you are too late”. No. I know & believe that this illness in both my body & in Joey’s body will not lead to death (even if it leads to physical death) we will live on in glory with our savior. I know God will get all the glory through it & from it & i know He reigns on the throne. We are enduring this long for a reason & we continue to share our transparency, continue to encourage the saints & will continue to believe because we trust He that loves us & remains faithful.
If you have read this, please keep our family in prayer. I thank you, love you & if i can pray for you please let me know. I have room on my back to carry your burden as well.
The website to read about Joeys disease is: www.wichiaricenter.org & you can click on both Arnold Chiari Malformation
Syringohydromyelia
He has both conditions combined.
If you would like to read more about my condition I have previous blog posts & you can hit up my website:
www.dinahmusic.com
Thank you for all the prayers, support, encouragement & donations.
Grace & peace

For His Fame ... The new project I am working on.

Sun, 09 Dec 2012 14:31:30 -0500

As my husband & I continue on this journey with the VA & with both our health situations, we cling to the cross of Christ. Every area of our lives have been affected by recent events in our life & as 2012 comes to a close we are faced with many hard facts, choices & realities. One thing remains true for us, God is on the throne. We continue to experience His constant #grace #love & #joy as He himself continues to develop worshippers out of us in the midst of this night we are in. It is “For His Fame” that we must endure these trials and when it is over & His glory is revealed… We will continue to worship!!!

I am currently working on my next project that i will be working hard on in 2013 in the midst of the chaos. The name of that project will be “For His Fame”. Because everything we are facing & everything we do is to point to the glory of God!!! Please keep me in prayer as I embark on this project. That God open every door. With production, engineering, features. Praying for His divine favor. Really need his help. Also praying that vocally, lyrically, creatively & in every way possible I go above & beyond to truly express my love & worship to my Lord in the midst of everything going on!!!! No matter what, my worship is continuous.

It is in the midst of moments like that that I can really pour out my heart & share with others the truth of who God is & how much He loves His people.

Your prayers & support are so greatly appreciated.

Dinah

To help financially visit www.dinahmusic.com
Donate under the “about me” section
Thank you so much!!

Pray.

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 13:51:18 -0500

If I could just understand just how important this really is.

Who you love, I'll love

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 00:28:55 -0500

Tonight I was worshipping with the group that my husband & I disciple and one of the songs we sang was Chris Tomlin’s “I will follow”. Before I continue, here are the lyrics that broke me in half tonight:

Where you go, I’ll go.

Where you stay, I’ll stay.

When you move, I’ll move.

I will follow you.

Who you love, I’ll love.

Who you serve, I’ll serve.

If this life I lose,

I will follow you

I will follow you!

The entire song had me broken into pieces, but what really pierced through my heart was the part of the chorus that said “who you love, I’ll love.”

I am a huge witness to the fact that at times (many times), it can be so very difficult to love people the way that He loves them… even when it was the second greatest commandment & like the first. Even knowing that, it is so very hard. The reasoning behind finding it difficult to love on others is usually always the same “that person hurt me.” Today I had this really convicting conversation with this amazingly beautiful sister of mine who happens to keep me in check, even when she doesn’t realize it (LOL) regarding sin that I had been struggling with. The struggle between living as though under the law verses under grace, especially in relationships with people. When hurt by someone, seeing them with the eyes of love & remembering that Christ also shed His blood for them, showing them the same grace that He shows. It can be so hard for me to do sometimes, even when I think I am being gracious, I find that God is revealing my true hearts intentions and I realize…. I am really so ungracious & unloving. I was so heart broken at that sinful revelation.

Then we get to discipleship and we hear this song during worship and I literally could feel every bone in my body melt and my heart just pierce open knowing the Lord was clearly still dealing with me & my disobedience. Because before he sings “who you love, I’ll love”….he sings “when you move, I’ll move.” I knew exactly what the Lord was saying to me.

Many times the Lord will speak to our hearts about a situation, but we will refuse to “move” or “act” on what it is He is calling for us to do. He commands BUT we disobey. Then we wonder why he chooses not to reveal himself. The more that we obey Him, the more He chooses to reveal Himself. That is the testimony of my life!

Forgiveness & love does not mean that we will go back to being the best of friends, or even having the same type of trust we once had BUT it does mean that there is potential to grow in grace and earn back trust. I am learning that true forgiveness & true love will have a stamp of heart felt koinonia with Christ as foundation & chief cornerstone. If Christ is not the foundation, then the relationship was never headed in a successful direction and was doomed from the start. Anything that lacks the brokenness, unity & genuine love and is not rooted on & centered around the gospel of Christ is destructive & will fall to ruin eventually. It’s not just about having little circles of friends where we cling to one another for ever & hoard the gospel amongst each other, fellowship only with each other & never venture out of our “circles”. NO. It’s about encouraging one another to go & bring new people into our “circles” so that who He loves, we can also love, teach & disciple…. and in turn we multiply & they are sent back out to go and disciple. Isn’t that the ultimate goal?

I realized, I have been focusing so much of my time & energy on who has hurt me, who is slandering me or may have said things about me… he said, she said…. when really I need to just keep my focus on “who you love, I’ll love Lord!”

I want to mean that!! I am so broken over this & have really gone to the Lord for Him to search my heart about it. Even for those who have distanced themselves from me because maybe they felt as though at one time I may have hurt them, and because I am 100% man, I may just have hurt them, but in all honesty, I never mean to hurt anyone & the Lord is growing me in discipleship & in grace. Who I was just one week ago, is not who I am today and I am so thankful for constant grace & growth in Him. I pray that I will continue to move when he moves.

If you are in a situation where you are hurting over someone or something, make it right. If someone is slandering another in your ear and you may not be saying anything, but you remain quiet as that person speaks… you are guilty by association & before the Lord are in sin. Do not pass judgement on someone or form opinions unless you yourself have made it your business to spend time with them & allow God to give you discernment on that person. If you have someone who loves you enough to pour into your love, even when they are telling you things (TRUTH) that might hurt, but you need to hear…do not cast that person to the waste side, but love that person and respect them because they invested time & energy pouring into your life. My younger sisters, respect your older sisters in the faith & in age who open their homes & lives to you. She respect & honor to them. In the same way, older sisters also respect your younger sisters & be patient with them. Endure with them & rejoice at their victories. All in all…. be thankful for one another…. and honor God. When He moves, you move.

I truly mean it with every once of my heart & all that I am.

Lord….who you love, I’ll love.

Who you love, I'll love

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 23:37:51 -0500

He will wipe every tear from my eyes. #maranatha

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 19:58:47 -0500

He will wipe every tear from my eyes.

#maranatha

Rest STOP.

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 23:10:07 -0500

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28”

I often have those moments in the midst of this long stormy night, in which my heart races and my mind goes a mile a minute. I can imagine that instead of being in a boat during this storm while Jesus is sleeping, I am sitting in the passenger seat of a car while driving in the middle of the night with Him as the driver. I can’t really see anything outside of the window, because the storm outside is so bad. I know that during the storm & the ride, He is speaking to me, but I am not really listening to Him or hearing what He is saying to me. All I can focus on is how bad the storm is outside & how afraid I am inside this car. Then all of a sudden, we come to a holt and when the windshield whipper gives me a clearer view, I see the sign that says “Rest stop”. When we pull underneath the awning, I feel His arm reach over to mine and as He grabs me, all I can Him say is “You can rest now, we are safe.”

“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14

The problem with that story is how long it took for me to feel safe in the presence of God. The storm was all around me & even though I was in this car with God as my driver, I was unable to see outside of the window and I was not driving, which meant, I was not in control of the vehicle in this situation and had we gotten into an accident, I could not save us (in my mind). When I should of felt the safest because no matter how bad it had gotten, I was with God…I allowed the calamity around me to keep me fearful. It was only when we stopped and I saw the sign say “rest stop” that I felt peace that we were ok. I had to hear Him say it, verses trusting Him even if I didn’t hear Him over the noise during the drive.

How often in our situations now do we treat a holy, just & powerful God this way? How often do we look around at the calamity brewing all around us and even though we KNOW that God is in control, He is the driver and we are the passenger, still we fear because we cannot see where HE is going and we cannot hear Him over the noise of the storms in our life? How many times do we allow the racing of our mind to interfere with the race we should be running in Christ? Constantly awaiting that rest stop, unaware that HE is all the rest that we need. The heaviness, the burdens, the storms, the calamities cannot compare to the rest that He offers. It does not matter how loud the storm is, how scary it looks or feels, how much damage it seems to be doing, how much loss is coming from it…. do not fret…. our God is able to do exceedingly great things and also to grant great peace.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27

Be encouraged and rejoice that in the midst of the broken places He gives us the strength to carry through. In the midst of the dark, stormy nights, God truly is developing worshippers out of us and for me the storm is not over, it seems to be picking up speed…. but I am going to keep hopeful and keep worshipping, knowing that He will get the glory out of this. When this storm is over, I will boast in how He got all the glory…it truly will be “For His Fame.” Stay Tuned….

And the glory (majesty and splendor) of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken it. Isaiah 40: 5

Sorrow is better than laughter?

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 22:13:43 -0500

It’s been a little while since I wrote a blog for the sisters (and brothers 🙊😉 lol) that follow along & actually read them for encouragement. I have been writing here & there with updates on Joey. So this is one of those posts in which I believe The Lord has really laid on my heart to share that will encourage the saints.

So…. Sorrow is better than laughter?

“Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. Ecclesiastes 7:3”

I recently spent the day at Trinity bible college with my beloved sisters. I had the privilege of shadowing in a class called “poetical books”. One of the most amazing classes I had ever shadowed in, and I have shadowed at Trinity many times before. The professor did an expositional break down of Ecclesiastes 7 that BLEW me away!!! I had so many different emotions from wanting to cry, to busting out laughing many times (and Eli having to grab my legs under the table to shut me up), to straight conviction. I always know when I leave an amazing session of hearing God’s word when I can’t stop thinking about how convicted I was & also how much joy I have from the beauty of God’s revelation of Himself through scripture.
As the professor went down verse by verse, I was just overwhelmed with emotion. Then he got to verse 3 and I thought to myself … Man, I am always saying this… But, not because I heard it from Solomon! I literally say it because I understand what this means, the reality of this passage & I agree. There is this quote that I have posted once before from King Henry’s wife who was thrown into exile because of his deceit. Whether she said it or not, I do not know… But I heard it when watching a show about their life and thought to myself, wow…. I agree!!! When visited by someone from King Henry’s court, she was asked “how is it, that you are here in exile, physically Ill yet you have not cursed God? The King freely lives and has everything, yet you still pray to a God who allowed you into exile?” Her response: “I would rather be full of sorrow & here in exile where I am close to God, then have everything that the King has but know I am far away from my God.” I remember when I saw that (years ago mind you), my eyes swelled with water because I thought to myself, yes… Yes I agree!!! Even as I write this blog, in all honesty, my eyes are full of tears because my heart is FULL of sorrow right now with everything going down in my life right now, yet I know I am close to God in the midst of it.
You know what’s interesting is that I’m a person who happens to always be laughing. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to laugh. And I have a loud, distinct one too. 😜 I have realized that experiencing sorrow does not mean that we will be walking around with our heads held low & no laughter what-so-ever. Not at all. In fact, the more I have found my contentment in Christ in the midst of these circumstances, the more joy I have experienced. People often ask me, “how are you able to laugh so much D when you are suffering with so much” and honestly I am often confused by that question. I think to myself MANY times, don’t we serve the same God. Since when do my circumstances dictate my joy? I thought Paul said that he could do ALL things through Christ … Meaning experience the good times & bad times with Christ as his ultimate contentment & hope. So, that is my answer too. I use to feel bad because things get so bad sometimes, but still I can find strength to laugh. People have even “advised” for me to look sad & not laugh. I tell them “I’m sorry, I can’t do that”. I find my joy in Christ. The joy of The Lord is not just a sentence I repeat just to repeat. It’s a reality for me.
But, the reality for my family really is that we are embracing much suffering. With my husbands brain condition alone and the things that go on behind the scenes, it’s hard. With my kidney condition & the things I deal with when it comes to that, it’s hard. Two have two parents who have physical ailments can weigh down on my children heavily and it can weigh down on us, and many many times people do not understand that. Often times, people forget that. Although I have learned contentment & my laughter is genuine, I have also embraced weeping. I find myself alone in the bathroom weeping, quite often. I find myself in my prayer closet weeping daily actually. Time & time again asking The Lord to help me remain content as I am a frequently finding myself slipping into a depression but then have to remember that I cannot find my contentment in circumstances because those change often… But God, He remains the same!
I want to encourage those who are experiencing sorrow in their life. I understand this reality and I never want my encouragement or love to be superficial in anyway. I write these blogs because I know how easy it is to feel alone in the midst of sorrow & even exile. We can try our best to find joy & contentment in momentary fun or fellowship, but that is temporary and that will fade. When everyone goes home & goes back to their house, you are still left in your house of mourning. So beloved, if you are reading this, I am here for you & I understand your sorrow. I encourage you to read the writings of Solomon, who wrote first hand about finding contentment in Christ after having EVEryTHinG else and still not being satisfied. If you laugh, let it be genuine…. Not a false laughter with false fellowship & false love from people who do not genuinely love you enough to really carry your burdens. Love is about carrying the burdens of others, despite past hurts & despite what is going on in our lives. Even with everything going on in my life God has called me to GO and carry the burdens of my sisters & even my brothers. I do my best to go when others need me & carry them on my back, even when I’m feeling the weight of so much. Why do I do that? Because I love God so much & because I love the brethren so very much. I use to say that with such superficial backing, but not anymore. When I say I love you, I mean it.
Lastly, pray for discipline. In the midst of sorrow & suffering we find that we cling to Christ. Which is why Solomon says this: “It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting” in verse 2 of chapter 7. When I was at Trinity the professor went in on how as a pastor he would rather prepare a sermon for a funeral than for a wedding. He said that people listen at funerals but at the wedding, everyone just wants to “get on” with the party, no one is really thinking about “life” or evaluating it. No one is examining anything!! Everyone is just having a grand time and feasting. Yet in the house of mourning, people listen. People hear the message. People take the time to really examine themselves & think about “life”. People PRAY!!! It is unbelievable how this is so real even to us in everyday life… When we are out fellowshipping (as we like to call it) and having such a grand ole time and no one is really thinking or life … Everyone is just focused on fun. We get caught up in the everyday routine of getting up & having fun that we loose sight of the getting it in with The Lord. I recently spoke to some of the people who are close to me about this… Some of the sisters who I am accountable too and vice versa. We talked about this subject and how it’s cool to plan out moments when we chill and have fun, but also moments in which we are examining ourselves & life. We need a healthy balance. They agreed. It was great to know that I was not the only one realizing that God was speaking to not just my heart, but to theirs as well.
I encourage those who are not in sorrow right now, take a moment to ask yourself “how long has it been since I have examined my life?” If you are going through sorrow right now? Be encouraged by what I shared… Know that you are NOT alone!!!!
God is with you!
God is developing worshippers out of us in the midst of our night and he is giving us wisdom. We will be able to use that wisdom to guide others in their circumstances & point them to Christ.
“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. Ecclesiastes 7:4”

“Draw close to God, He will draw close to you. James 4:8a”

Be encouraged, for sorrow is better than laughter!

Please pray that I remain disciplined in prayer & obedience to God & His word. Thank you brethren.

November seems to be a month that everyone is anticipating to...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 01:45:13 -0400

November seems to be a month that everyone is anticipating to either start this photo challenge or hair growth challenge and that’s dope. For us, November has been a month we have been anticipating for almost a year now since my husband had his last MRI testing in Dec. 2011. The VA moves slowly, what can I say 👊💢! 😼 But, non-the-less, November has arrived for us too & Tuesday Nov. 6th my husband will be going in to finally receive the 2nd half to his testing to find out how wide & how far down the syringomyelia grew in the spinal cavity. Last time it only reached part of his cervical spine, it looks like now they see it protruding past the thoracic. Because of his symptoms & complaints, full brain scans & MRI’s of the entire spine (cervical, thoracic and lumbar) will be done while he is under a mild sedation. Then on Thursday, Nov. 8th we will sit down with his doctor to discuss size & width of the syrinx or mass in the spinal cavity. Once we discuss that Thursday then he discusses with us the process of neurosurgery & we find out what that process will be. Please keep our family in prayer. We remain content in Christ not our circumstances, therefore we know we will endure. We are praying that we can have the heart of Solomon & Paul & many other whose contentment in Christ allowed them to find joy in suffering & gladness of heart. We do believe we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. His grace is sufficient and with everything our family has endured we truly understand that to be true! Thank you for the prayers brethren! #phileo

Update on Joey's surgery info & #Vindicated tour

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 02:17:48 -0400

Hey familia
Let me start this blog with what is on my heart and that is a simple “I love you!” Thank you for reading my blogs because it means you care about supporting our family, this ministry & what The Lord is doing in us, through us & for us.
First let me say that the Vindicated tour had its second makings of a Worshipper concert last Friday with: Joel “In Him”, Eli, Quina, Yasmin, Jose, Edie & myself. It was a night packed with giving GOD praise & worship in the midst of real hardships & trials. It was a really small & intimate concert but all of us admitted that it was probably one of the best this year, because of how much we worshipped The Lord together. So praise God for that!!!
My sister Edie shared her testimony about how she had been abused by her mothers boy friend and sold into human sex trafficking. She had been sold to over 150 men & women. She shared how God had healed her broken heart & how she not only forgave her abuser BUT she went to his bed side while he was
Dying & she gave him the gospel, where he was saved before he died!!!! I’m telling you, her story is one of reconciliation & the beauty of Jesus if I ever heard it before!!! The name of her ministry is “healing root”. Her name is Edie Rhea and she will be joining me on the #Vindicated your for anyone who is interested in hearing her story.
Now, an update on My husband Joey & what’s going on with his surgery info because many are asking me. Earlier this year we were told that the decompressive craniectomy (brain surgery) that my husband Joey had back in 2005 needs to be repeated because the syrinx that they set out to correct back then has once again returned. After being given MRI’s they noticed the growth had returned and notified us immediately that Joey would need repeat surgery. The problem was, we are dealing with the VA and when it comes to them… Things can take weeks, months and even up to years to get done. For those who are just now reading my blogs, Jose (Joey) has ACM II with Syringohydromyelia - ACM is the acronym for Arnold Chiari malformation when the cerebellum protrudes into the spinal canal. When a patient has ACM I this is typically seen with Spina Bifida which causes deforming of the spine and many painful complications. Which Joey was not born with. When a patient is born with ACM II they can remain asymptomatic for a life time until something happens to “aggravate” the disease causing the ACM to trigger painful symptoms that can change the remainder of that patients life forever. Which is what happened in joeys case. While in the military Joey fell from a few feet up working a loader that had ice that was not removed from its grid and upon hitting the ground head first, his ACM was aggravated causing Syringohydromyelia or for short a syrinx that started from the cerebellum all the way down to the lower part of his thoracic spine. Jose was discharged from active duty as a disabled veteran in 2003 and after dealing with VA doctors for two years they finally gave him a decompressive craniectomy on November 25, 2005. During this procedure they remove C1 & C2 from the cervical spine and then drain the syrinx, replacing it with a duroplasty (cow skin). For the rest of joeys life he would have restrictions & it was always told told to us that the surgery was not a cure, just a solution at the time to drain the fluid from the spine helping to alleviate pain, pressure & help with progression of the disease. For the last nine years since the brain & spinal surgery he has had repetitive visits to the VA and occasional MRI scans to monitor the disease. Last year I noticed some changes in Joey’s sleep patterns, his moods, his speech & other areas of every day life. Because we have a lot going on in our life & with the stresses we were going through with my health, I left it alone. But as the symptoms got worse, I decided to make an appt. for him to have repeat MRI’s of his brain & spine to check if he was ok. Those results came back showing that his syrinx had returned but had widened. His doctor told us that with him becoming so sick & the way that it was widening & growing, he wanted to repeat the MRI one more time to see just how far this fluid was going (meaning it must now reached further than thoracic spine possibly into lumbar area) and wanted us to consider the possibility of Joey undergoing repeat brain surgery and this time they would need to place shunts inside of him to keep a continual method of drainage for the syrinx for future growth. We know the risks involved with shunts and have heard the stories with shunts. In fact, the first time he had surgery we were advised against putting it inside because of the dangers involved. We were told the VA would schedule the set up of the second round of tests and get back to us. This was about six months ago. They have FINALLY scheduled those tests for November 6th!!! Praise The Lord. But as you can see, when dealing with the VA it takes much patience as things take for-eeeer-v-errrrrrrr (in my sandlot voice) lol gotta keep laughing ya know!!!!
My family is asking that you please keep us in prayer. It isn’t easy when both parents are dealing with physical ailments. The great news is, I have been taking great care of myself with the leading of The Lord & being wise!!! Although very expensive, the stuff that I am taking is helping me in major ways and I am doing amazingly well. I believe The Lord has allowed me to regain my strength this last year so that I can be strong enough to now tend to my husband. Do you see how awesome our God is in preparing us for the seasons to come? Sovereign & in control!!! Beautiful!!! In sickness & in health we tend to one another… When I was weak, then I was made strong through Christ alone. The same will happen for my husband. I do not know why my family has to endure these hardships physically, but I do know that God is seeing us through. Many people have come & gone in our lives but those who have remained by our side through out the good & the bad will be here with us and knowing that brings us great comfort!! The support system means that I won’t have to cry alone.
So that is the update!!!
This months game night is gonna be crazy as we celebrate thanksgiving together and spread out playing games familia. But most importantly, just go around the room sharing what we are thankful for. I know one thing is for certain … I am thankful that as undeserving as I am, I have such beautiful people in my life who are bearing with us, praying with us, loving us genuinely & willing to carry our burdens during what is about to be such a heavy burden to carry. Thank you beloved brethren. If you would like to support by purchasing the album or donating to our ministry or to our family please visit www.dinahmusic.com thank you so much for everyone who is praying & supporting in every way possible (prayer & financially). www.dinahmusic.com

I love you.

It’s going down TOMORROW NIGHT at 7p - The Vindicated:...

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 00:55:43 -0400

It’s going down TOMORROW NIGHT at 7p - The Vindicated: Makings of a Worshipper Tour at Northwest Community Church where Dinah will be sharing her new album #Vindicated along with updating us on a lot of things going on now & sharing some things.

We will also be hearing an amazing story from a beautiful sister in the faith who God delivered from years of abuse & human trafficking.

Also ministering: In Him, Yasmin McNeal ( & Carlos of AMFB), Quina & Elizabeth Bros

Concert is FREE!! Please invite friends & family to this event!!

The #Vindicated album & merchandise will be available if you want to support!!

Hope to see you all there!!!

To whom it may concern

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 02:43:40 -0400

I remember a few years back when I had to write letter after letter to government officials pleading with them to take a look at my husband’s medical case with the military because the VA would not give him a fare trial in regards to his disability rating & ACM. Most of the letters I wrote started with “To whom it may concern” because I was not sure who I would be addressing. I knew someone would be reading the letter, but I was unclear of names. It’s the same thing with the blogs I write to the sistren (a made up name for the sisters I write to in the sisterhood of believers who read the blogs I write) & also to the brothers who I was told occasionally read as well. (Jim, hi..lol) I really don’t know who reads the blogs I write, but I do know that I am always compelled to be transparent in my writings knowing that whoever is reading will be able to relate, understand & appreciate the honesty & transparency.

I am currently writing for my new project/album, and as I begin the writing process I am already experiencing many of the burdens that come a long with ministry. Let me be a little more clear on what I mean by that. With ministry comes much suffering, we read about this in the life of Peter, Paul and many of the disciples. Peter actually goes into depth about how we have been left here as examples to suffer with Christ.

“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 1 Peter 2:21”

So that we may follow in his steps… deep. The book of 1 Peter has been such a great encouragement to me during the last year of my life. It is a book that I read very often & it brings me so much comfort. I wanted to share it’s passages in my blog tonight for anyone who might be going through any kind of suffering whether it be unjust suffering which is the context of 1 Peter 2 or whether it be physical suffering of any kind. Whatever suffering you might be facing, I wanted to encourage you with the scriptures that have been encouraging me so much lately as my family is being rocked by so many challenges lately. It seems overwhelming, yet God never ceases to amaze me. His grace is so evident in my life & I am just so thankful. One of the hardest things that we face as Christ followers is persecution, especially when it comes from people within the body. Lately I notice more & more that discord has formed & it can not only be discouraging, but it can be heartbreaking to most. We are called to build one another up, not tear each other down. This next script in 1 Peter is another that blesses me so much:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of gloryand of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler.Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And

“If the righteous is scarcely saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”

Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. 1 Peter 4:12-19

Reading this passage I am really convinced that God is speaking clearly to us, especially when it says “yet if anyone suffers as a christian, let him not be ashamed but let him glorify God in that name.” During suffering, especially when we feel as though suffering unjustly, it is so hard to rejoice in the midst of it or to look at it as a blessing. In fact, in the midst of unjust suffering, the pain can be so overwhelming and can feel as though it is overtaking you. I know recently I was going through a situation where I felt like this, and although I knew that God would vindicate me, it still was so painful to feel as though there was nothing I could do at the moment. When someone is slandering your name or saying things about you that are not true, yet you are never given the opportunity to give your side of the story, or you are never given the opportunity to shed light on the situation & expose truth… do not fret, God is so amazingly good & no matter what anyone says about you, the truth is alway revealed. One thing I learned is that when you belong to God & when you suffer for His names sake, He takes action on your behalf, He vindicates & He corrects. He rebukes & He vengeance belongs to Him. There is no need for us to take any action when suffering, except to love as Christ did & show grace. Trust that God is in control & He will get the glory out of your life & your situation. When His glory is revealed, the truth will be exposed.

As I write for this project, I am thankful that God is also exposing a lot of things about myself that need to change. He is showing me things about myself that need work & teaching me how to suffer as a christian. I am so thankful for His chastening & His discipline.

Please keep me & my family in your prayers. My husband will be having more testing done on November 6th to determine what type of brain surgery they will be giving him regarding the placement of the shunts. Our family is preparing for this & asking for God’s peace, strength & guidance. I really appreciate all that have supported the #Vindicated album & my ministry. www.dinahmusic.com is the website if you would like more info on how to continue to support.

Please pray as I continue to write for this new album. I will update soon!!

White Flag

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 21:57:00 -0400

Long ago when in battle a sign of surrender was the raising of the white flag. For some when feeling defeated, they felt as though all they could do was raise the white flag and surrender to the other army knowing that doing so would mean that they would now be owned by the victorious army and enslaved to them. For the Christ follower we do not, or SHOULD NOT see the raising of our white flag in surrender as a sign of such weakness. Surrender does not mean we have been defeated. Although it is true that we are slaves to righteousness, bond-servants to the most High God…. this is something to rejoice over. This means that we are FREE to worship a Holy & just God. Many times the long & strenuous battles that we are facing, seem drawn out & lead us to a place where all we can do is make the choice to raise up our white flag & surrender. In making that choice we know that we have just made a choice to free ourselves of much headaches, heartaches, stress & hurt. See the battles we are facing are at times battles we lead ourselves into due to so many different choices we make, when then leads to the choice of when we will lift up that white flag & surrender it all to Him. My album that I released this year spoke on how we are Vindicated through Jesus & also how in the midst of the night God is developing us into worshippers. When the night is over and the dawn arises, we raise up our white flags and we can shout, Holy.. Holy…Holy, is the Lord God almighty.

I am currently working on my new album, praise God. I really don’t know how long it will take me to write it, so I won’t give a time frame on when I am looking to release it. But I am taking my time because I want His glory to be revealed. Most would give a time frame, but I write as the Spirit leads and know that His timing is perfect. To be honest, I don’t have any idea how I will afford production, engineering or mastering. I don’t even know who will feature on this album this time around. All I know is that I have His spirit, a pen & paper. I am in the writing process write now. BUT, not only am I in the writing process, I am also in the process of changing seasons. Just recently I lost my grandmother, which I have to say was probably the hardest thing I have been through in such a long time. Not so much the fact that she died (because she was sick), but the fact that I made the choice to fly to NY & sit beside her bed for three weeks reading to her & singing to her, watching her die. I knew there was no chance she would make it out of that hospice bed & I knew that I had a choice … I could either fly back to FL & accept that she was going to die OR I could serve her in her last days here letting her know that the God of peace was with her. I raised up my white flag & killed every ounce of me that wanted to be selfish & not see he hard part of all of it, I rolled up my sleeves, took out the basin, filled it with water & knew what I had to do. I had to surrender to the call of Christ & serve there. Although it was extremely hard, I am so glad that I stayed and did it. It added to the testimony of writing this new album & how I will share the gospel & hope through this next project. So please keep me & this project in prayer if you remember.

This past weekend was flavor fest 2012!! It was such a blessing to see old faces & meet new ones!! This was my sixth flavor fest & I am just so blessed to experience the blessing of such fellowship every year by His grace. For me, flavor fest is not about the gathering of artists who get to showcase their talents for five minutes up on the stage for everyone. Although, that is a great perk & just a byproduct of the fest. For me, flavor fest is a gathering of ministers all of the world who have been strategically placed & positioned in places all over for the sake of the gospel & service to His people. I learned a long time ago that the moment we begin to edge God out (have an EGO) then we will not succeed in His kingdom works. My prayer yearly as I watch flavor fest come & go, is that ministers of the gospel of Jesus will remember to raise up their white flag in surrender to God & His will. Especially when it comes to music (hip hop, R&B, Rock Soul) .. that we will constantly raise up that white flag & surrender every area to God. It was so encouraging to see ministers like our brother Ambassador who humbled himself to give up his last song for the sake of preaching the gospel!!! He was transparent enough to mention the season he went through recently that burdened his family & how it affected his life, but also how God was glorified in all of it & how he raised up his white flag in surrender. It was also encouraging to see Da Truth there, who happens to be one of my favorite ministers since way back when. His song “Pain” got me through one of the hardest trials of my life back in 2009 & was one of the reasons I was able to raise up my white flag & surrender every area of my life to God when at times I did not want too because I was hurt & angry. So to see my brother there brought me so much joy & encouragement!!!

There is a quote that I repeat quite often to the young women that I am discipling at my church and it goes like this:

“I’d rather experience great sorrow & suffering knowing that God is close to me, than have false happiness & be far from Him.”

I say that & I mean it with every ounce of my being. I was only able to say that after I raised up my white flag & surrendered every area of my life to God. Being that I suffer with a bodily disease & that my husband also does, physically it is a struggle to surrender … but still I do it with so much faith.

Over the last few years, I have lost so many relationships with people that I had been building with over reasons unknown at times. People that I had grown to love so deeply, just one day decided I was either not meeting their expectations of what a good mentor or sister should be OR I was giving advice that was too honest & they did not want to receive it (in all honesty that was what I believe). What I mean with the expectations, I am married with two children and sometimes I am expected to do a lot more than what I can. My obligation is my home, my church (discipling the sisters at my church & my obligations there), my ministry (singing/emcing), my friends. In that order. Many times though, I would go outside of that order to be there for people that I loved when they needed me, but I would over commit to things, or neglect my family by being on the phone too long, going out and staying out with people too late who needed me, things like that. I had to raise up the white flag & really surrender to God even in that area of my life. I had to pray & ask the Lord to help me with not trying to meet the expectations of “man” but keeping my priorities in line with His will & keeping up with biblical womanhood. In doing so, I lost so many people I loved and thought were friends. But like the song goes “my true friends held me up like a bank robbery” da truth … and I had to learn to also raise up the white flag in trying to be a pleaser of man & seeking to be a pleaser of God.

In writing my new album, which I am only on song one “White Flag” is the title, I am convinced that God is truly going to be dealing with my heart in major ways. My aim on a daily basis is to live out this scripture:

“Whoever says he abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked. 1 John 2:6 ESV”

I know that the only way that I can do this, is if I raise up my white flag DAILY & surrender every single area of my life over to God, asking for more faith, His peace, His love & most importantly His help.

I raise up my flag to YOU (Lord), I raise up my flag and I surrender.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. James 1:22 ESV”

Brave.

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 23:06:00 -0400

For about a week now I have had the title of this weeks blog and every time I attempted to type something, I was distracted in some way. I had all of these thoughts about what the Lord had laid upon my heart to share, yet every time I was ready to actually blog about it, I found myself caught up in something that kept me from finishing. Fortunately tonight I finally have no distractions and I can give my undivided attention to those who read the blogs.

For the last few weeks, the Lord has been giving me such peace about what I had been writing to encourage the saints. Some things were harder to swallow than others for some folks, but others were harsh truths that we needed to meditate on and really pray about. My blogs are also opportunities in which I can share what is going on in my life and in the life of my husband as we both tackle on chaos & suffering in our body that affects our every day life & ministry. We are greatly encouraged by situations in our life that have tested us & pushed us to where we are now, i which we remain brave. That word brave hasn’t always been the first word I would blot out especially when reading this verse:

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13” ….. I feel like Peter should have ended that verse with… so be brave. lol

Same this with:

“Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that it is a testing of the faith and will produce steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in noting. James 1:2-4” …. so be brave.

I was watching Francis Chan with a training group we are doing with our small groups at church and one of the things he was sharing was about this korean missionary who in the midst of his mission he suffered but it kept him close to God and now that he is away and here where things are comfortable, he misses being in the situation that he was in when his suffering & brokenness kept him close the the Lord. Often times in our we become to comfortable & we forget what it means to be prostrated before the Lord in constant prayer. We forget what and why we are fighting for, and we lose sight of the mission all to gather due to comfort. We know there is the narrow road and their is the broad road… but we create these man made middle roads where we make our own rules, find loop holes in scripture to justify lukewarm behavior, find comforts in people pleasing and friendships and intolerable when it comes to solid rebuke and chastisement that comes in genuine love. We can’t be brave enough to stand up for what is right & stand firm for it, even if it means we end up standing there alone. Some fiery trials occur because we are strong enough to be brave and stand for what we believe in, regardless of who is standing with us. Our hope & trust must rely on He that sent us. We must never give up on the calling of being a trader of this world & a true ambassador of Jesus. Being BRAVE means, without fear we put on the full armor of God, we trust & pray that God will neither leave nor forsake us and that as we pursue Him & seek His kingdom, all else will be added in faith. Being brave means, even when the doctor tells us its not looking good, we will trust God. Being brace means, even when its hard to say you are sorry, you remember what forgiveness represents and you say it. Being brave means that even when you know suffering & chaos is at your doorstep, you are not afraid.

I see the challenges that are presented to Jose & I. The ups and downs. When the ups come, they’re awesome and sometimes I want to harbor them because my fear is always “how long will this last?” “Will it go away soon?” but today have to ask myself is that really being brave enough to trust God completely? I am so thankful for the way that God speaks!!! He is so faithful.

Being brave means finding the strength to accept what He is saying to you & obeying Him in everything & in every area of your life!!! I don’t know about you, but I want to be brave.

He won't let go.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 01:32:03 -0400

”..and no one is able to snatch them out of the Fathers hand. John 10:29”

Back in 2009 I wrote this song and the lyrics went like this:

—- I’m not worthy, to do the work set before, I don’t believe that I can do this on my own, Oh Lord help me, I want to see clearly, help me to let go.

Father here I am/striving to be better/Lord I wanna please you/cause above/there is no other/elegant speech is something that I lack/all eyes are on me/they’re watching how I act/they throw boulders my way so I can stumble and fall but I refuse to turn away from the call/cause no matter how imperfect I might be/I’m transparent before you/you see right through me/I’m like a little child before you I stand/confident that no matter what you’ll take me as I am/precious in the site of almighty God/before the people/I throw down my rod/all the power & glory belongs to God/I’m so thankful that redemption has set me free/and given me/the li-ber-ty/to represent/the mighty lion & the humble/and to do so just as I am —-(SN:lyrics are copywritten off a project I did called “sweet surrender”)

When I had written those words I had done so because I had felt very inadequate, felt as if my speech was not elegant enough for the platforms or pulpits, felt as though stumbling blocks and boulders were everywhere and new that because I was not your average “rhianna” or “nicki Minaj” type singer & rapper in the christian genre of music, it would be a struggle for me to move past what “people” thought & shift past pleasing them & remain content in pleasing God. Would this be an easy blog for me to write & put myself out there, nope… not so much!! The great thing about these blogs is, I remain transparent enough to tell you how difficult it is for me to write them but also remain in prayer & supplication while I do them, always asking for the Lords peace & guidance.

Since 2009 and writing those lyrics of “He won’t let go” …. the lyrics have proven to be such a truth in my life that I hold on to with every breath I take. Growing up, scripture & prayer was not something I would of been quick to run to when dealing with every day trial & error. I would of run to my girl friends & the advice of mankind. Which is why I failed so often in my lifetime. Now, as I walk with the Lord & with the council of His spirit, using the scripts as my daily bread… I can honestly say that I am walking in His will. I remember a while back when I was praying once in my prayer closet and I had my eyes closed, I was so convinced that His spirit was standing right there with me and He was holding my hand (in fact I often feel that way) but this one particular day, I needed Him to hold my hand, I was so distraught and I was crying, I had my hands lifted in the air and I told myself that I would not take them down until I felt him hold my hand. I know that it was my faith that day in that closet that gave me the warm feeling of someone holding it, but there in my prayer closet, I felt the warmth of His hand clamp mine. I immediately began to sob and felt His overwhelming peace that surpasses ALL understanding just cover me.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7”

Since that moment in time, for me He has never let go. I want to encourage my sisters (and brothers that told me they read these blogs :) to by faith continue to cling on to Him as He holds on to you, knowing that He won’t let go of you. One of the most important things that I mentioned in this blog post was “prayer”. I was in my prayer closet and by faith would not leave until I felt His peace. I have moments in my life (including right now) when I am going through such turmoil, ups and downs, when I want to run, or when I want to distract myself with fellowship and be around everyone because I think it will make me feel better but I know that the only thing God has called me into during this time, is prayer. As Christ followers, our walk needs to strong in prayer & the reading of bible/discipleship. Jesus gave us the greatest example of that when He walked the earth, He was always in prayer & always teaching & discipling. The most beautiful thing about the Lord & His word is that, people see prayer as some boring thing… or some type of punishment. Oh man, time to pray. UGH. No, prayer is a beautiful time. Prayer changes situations. Prayer brings about blessings. The Lord tells you to bring your requests to Him with thanksgiving and not to be anxious about anything, but to trust Him in all things. Prayer eases anxiety.

“Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer & supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:4-6”

Look at how powerful this prophets prayer was…. the word says that the angel was held up 21 days from the day he humbled himself before the LORD (in prayer) bringing Daniel his answers …

On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing hon the bank of the great river (ithat is, the Tigris) 5 jI lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold, ka man clothed in linen, lwith a belt of fine mgold from Uphaz around his waist. 6 His body was likenberyl, his face olike the appearance of lightning, phis eyes like flaming torches, his arms and qlegs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and qthe sound of his words like the sound of a multitude. 7 rAnd I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, for the men who were with me did not see the vision, but a great trembling fell upon them, and they fled to hide themselves. 8 So I was left alone and saw this great vision, and sno strength was left in me. My radiant appearance was fearfully changed,2 tand I retained no strength. 9 Then I heard the sound of his words,uand as I heard the sound of his words, I fell on my face in deep sleep uwith my face to the ground.

10 And behold, va hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 And he said to me, “O Daniel, wman greatly loved, xunderstand the words that I speak to you, and ystand upright, for znow I have been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12 Then he said to me,a“Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you bset your heart to understand and bhumbled yourself before your God, cyour words have been heard, dand I have come because of your words. 13 eThe prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me ftwenty-one days, but gMichael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I was left there with the kings of Persia, 14 dand came to make you understand what is to happen to your people hin the latter days. For ithe vision is for days yet to come.”

15 When he had spoken to me according to these words, jI turned my face toward the ground kand was mute. 16 And behold, lone in the likeness of the children of man mtouched my lips. Then I opened my mouth and spoke. I said to him who stood before me, “O my lord, by reason of the vision pains have come upon me, and nI retain no strength. 17 How can my lord’s servant talk with my lord? For now no strength remains in me, and no breath is left in me.”

18 Again lone having the appearance of a man mtouched me and strengthened me. 19 And he said, o“O man greatly loved, pfear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage.” And as he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” 20 Then he said, “Do you know why I have come to you? But now I will return to fight against the qprince of Persia; and when I go out, behold, the prince of rGreece will come. 21 But I will tell you swhat is inscribed in the book of truth: there is none who contends by my side against these except tMichael, your prince.

DEEP.

In my lyrics above I wrote “I’m striving to be better”.. it brings me to tears to know that even when I am not better …. He won’t let go. I have so many issues and had to surrender them one by one. The chiseling has been so difficult. I will never be perfect, and I will always be so very far from that word. I will constantly let people that I love down, and unfortunately it isn’t something done on purpose, but it is done because we are human. One thing I can promise those around me is that, I am always striving to be better. First to my husband, then to my children, my health, then to my church, to my ministry and then to friends. That is the order because I have to obey the call in my life and I must keep the call of Christ first at all times. I urge you all to do the same. If we were people pleasers, we would not be called doulos.

“For am I now seeking the favor of man, or of God? or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10”

Now of course the context of what Paul is talking about to galatia is the gospel and how he no longer preaches what he did in his former life of Judaism, which is totally different from the context of how most use this scripture of “being people pleasers” so i wanted to make that clear. I am really big on not being worried with what “people” think and being really concerned about prayer time and finding out what God wants you doing. Pleasing God is top priority in my book, so for me that scripture in important, which leaves me with my last point in knowing He won’t let go.

When I was big on listening to secular music back in the day, one thing I respected about the industry was how the genres respected one another. For instance: award shows would have bands of all genres performing with all sorts of different sounds and it didn’t matter what genre you were, you were seated and watching or listening. I remember sitting there watching and thinking “wow man, that is pretty cool”. I saw it kind of like this: Britney Spears really did not have the best singing voice, but she had amazing dance moves and stage presence and she was supported by millions. Christina Aguilera had an amazing voice but not so great dance moves and was also supported by millions. The list goes on. Jonas Brothers, Alicia Keys, Etc. What makes me sad is that if I go to christian concerts, if there is someone on the stage that you don’t like or it is a genre that you didn’t go to see, chances are, you won’t pay attention or won’t support. I watch people talk during someones set, walk out to go outside to talk, go to the bathroom, play games on there phone. We mostly just go to see the person we came to support and then we are not interested in anyone else on the “stage”. We do not see it as a platform or pulpit, we see it as a stage where someone is just having a show or performing and that is problem number one. The title of the blog was “He won’t let go”… but sometimes there are things that we need to “let go of”… and in this case, yes “idolatry”. This has been a topic of conversation that I have been having way too often with some of my brothers and sisters. We recently went to concert in orlando and as we were standing next to a young man holding a video camera, we watched as he wept with tears because a rapper took the stage and grabbed the video camera to rap in it for a few seconds. The guy was grown, crying the way people use to cry when michael jackson was alive. I was so shocked. I don’t think I have ever been to a concert where I saw a grown man crying and it was not because the power of God was moving, this man was crying because another human was rapping. That’s a problem brethren. It’s also a problem when we are on these platforms and we can plainly see these people crying and we do not stop the music to correct them and let them know, STOP crying for US… repent and know that IT IS NOT ABOUT US… LET GO OF THAT idolatry and hold on to HIM… because HE WON’T LET GO.. but I am human and I will let go in a second! plain and simple. I know that sounds harsh but it’s truth. Why hold on to those who will let go of us as quick as it takes it takes to let go, when we can hold on tight to the one who will NEVER let go? I know that as a singer, I don’t sound like anyone familiar… usually you can listen to a christian artist and compare them to like an alicia keys or a beyonce, or a christian rapper and compare them to a famous rapper because of skill …. when listening to my sound, I don’t really sound like anyone that is out… a friend of mine use to coach me with my rapping and would encourage me to peer into what was going on so that I could keep up with what the latest sounds were. I made the choice not to do that. Anyone and everyone might say, well that might keep you from moving forward as a christian recording artist …and you might be absolutely right, HOWEVER… that will not keep my God from opening doors for me as a modern day disciple who has been set apart for the gospel to go out and minister His word with music as the tool!! So my goal will never and has never been to be signed to a recording label or to be famous, which is often the question people ask me… my goal has been and always will remain HIS GOSPEL …. my heart is always HIS GOSPEL …. I may not perfect hitting the highest notes … hitting the perfect harmonies … having the strongest delivering when MC’ing, but I will always deliver my best in every breath, on every track that I record, because of HIS GOSPEL… and I will not give up on this calling He has on my life, this ministry He has entrusted to me, the music He places on my heart & the worshipper He has developed me to be in the midst of the most hellish nights, I refuse to let go of this calling because i know that “HE WON’T LET GO”!!!

Whatever calling He has on your life, do not give up either. Whatever obstacles have risen in the way, don’t fret… be not dismayed but trust Him & know that the mighty one of Israel has called you to do His mighty work & when feelings of inadequacy come, it is a plain road block devised to detour you from that greater picture …. but you will succeed because “HE WON’T LET GO”

so again I say:

”..and no one is able to snatch them out of the Fathers hand. John 10:29”

Fire & Water

Thu, 30 Aug 2012 19:19:50 -0400

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2”

Before I write any one of my blogs for the sisters (and brothers that might be reading and being encouraged), I before the Lord and like a child holding a christmas list, I ask him for inspiration on what to write to and for the brethren. On the day that He answers, it’s almost like christmas morning, I am the happiest kid as my face lights up & I am smiling big because my heart is rejoicing knowing that He heard my prayer & answered. Although I am this excited when I hear from Abba because He answered, the writing process is a different experience. Often my heart is grieved because there are moments when the Lord begins to show me things via scripture regarding His body and what we are lacking. Moments when He shows me the things that grieve His spirit. Moments when I read things that do not line up with what I see going on around me and immediately I am convicted myself. Moments when I am forced to stop what I am doing all together and just pray because I feel as though I am not even worthy to be writing anything remotely close to such encouragement, when I lack the wisdom or knowledge myself to measure up to what it takes to be the kind of example the disciples were. Although these thoughts flood my mind quite often, the Lord has continuously reminded me that if I have a willing heart to take the time to do this with you, then my service is worthy enough for the call.

I shared that before I went into the depth of this blog, only to encourage those who have been having feelings of inadequacy lately. If you feel as though you are not good enough, elegant enough, strong enough, well spoken enough…trust me when I say, neither am I. I am none of those things, FAR from all of those things actually, and still He chose me. So be encouraged that He can & will use you. He will send beautiful people into your life to encourage you…He has created each of us & formed each of us in His own way, which leads me into the depth of my blog… Fire & water.

Above I shared the scripture that Isaiah wrote, however let me back track to what he says before that…

“But now thus says the Lord, he who created you O Jacob, he who formed you O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:1-2”

The context of that chapter in Isaiah talks about how God is Israel’s only savior. I rejoice when I read how much the prophet Isaiah writes about Israel’s redemption over and over again. God’s mercy & grace is seen through out time with His people. We should rejoice that we are considered among those people & are redeemed along with them.

I was thinking about “Fighting the good fight of faith” (1 Tim. 6:12) and how Isaiah 43 can be a scripture that we think about while trying to do that. Often times when “fighting the good fight” (which many times for us doesn’t seem so good and can be the most overwhelming, frustrating, difficult times of our life) we are feeling like Daniel in the lions den & praying the lions mouths remain slammed shut during the night or we feel like shadrach, meshach & abednego in the furnace just praying that the angel of the Lord is with us so that we are not consumed by the fire. As I was thinking about these things, I was reminded of the brethren, as I am often reminded of the AID God has so graciously sent to me.

As a poet & musician, I find myself writing A LOT. Ideas are always flooding my mind and as they come in I jot them down in my notes. Sometimes they make sense and sometimes they don’t right away, until I go back later on and then after reading scripture I understand why I wrote it down. A while back I had seen in a movie how a swordsman forged a sword. For some reason, I was really fascinated by the way this particular tribe forged their swords, so I never forgot it. I began writing notes here and there as reminders regarding the Iron of the swords. Nothing really made sense, but as the week passed I was studying and came across the scripture Proverbs 27:17 (a script I happen to encourage others with a lot). “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Immediately I thought to myself, how interesting that the spirit would inspire Solomon to write these words comparing us with iron. Literally saying that we “sharpen” one another, as if we were blades or swords. Of course, I was reminded of all the notes I had been writing regarding the forging of that one blade & how it was created. It was interesting to me because this sword according to this tribe was the strongest sword in the village because of the way the swordsmith made it. He would place the blade in fire & water, which was the key to its strength. I thought to myself, how interesting that God allows us to go through the fire yet we are not burned AND He allows us to go through the water, yet we are not overwhelmed. He allows us to go through those obstacles also for the sake of our strength. The comparison between the two we (at least for me) so beautiful. How we can take even the smallest of things and see them in scripture and think wow, how beautiful that He would take such time on us so that we are strong. I took the time to look up the way a blade or sword was made… it’s amazing to me the comparison between how a sword is made and how we were created. Take a look for yourself:

After the workpiece is done being formed, it is normalized. The blade is carefully and evenly heated and then cooled slowly. The point of normalizing is to remove the stresses which may have built up within the body of the blade while it was being forged. During the forging process the blade might be heated and cooled differentially creating stress, some parts might be hammered more than others, some areas hammered enough to work harden. If these stresses are left in the blade they could affect the finishing and when it came time to heat treat the blade, the hardening and tempering might not be as even. Potentially enough stress could be added that the blade would be weak in spots, weak enough that it could fail under enough stress.

Although God does NOT hammer us, LOL…he does allow us to go through various trials in our life and many times we feel as though He is not answering us because the night has not ended for us (whether some of us are still sick, still going through a lot, etc) but we need to trust God & not question Him in the midst of our “forging” process. We do not want to be “weak in spots” but strong in Him, because we trusted Him completely!! I look at the example of Moses, who God was with the entire time but because of “unbelief”, he did not enter into the promise land. Those verses in Isaiah really applied to Israel then, He was with them in the wilderness, performed wonders for them, many times, yet they doubted God and even when He told them that canaan would be theirs, they did not believe. Although Moses intervened on their behalf many times, because he had unbelief in his heart, not believing Isaiah 43:2 to be true for him at that moment, he did not enter into the land flowing with milk & honey. Joshua & Caleb tried to tell them not to be afraid & to trust God, but the people would not listen. My fear now a days is that we have too many people “Not listening”. The encouragement is “Iron sharpens Iron”… a dull blade cannot sharpen another dull blade.

The beginning of Isaiah 43 talks about how God created & formed us… then talks about how we will go through fire & water … then ends with this …

“For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:3”

Be encouraged beloved with this: when I was watching that program, the chief was saying that the reason why they made the sword in both fire & water was because the sword had to be made in a way that it would be able to bend but not break. It had to be sharp enough to kill on impact. Although the actual movie I was watching was not a realistic movie, everything he was saying about the sword was giving me encouragement about what to write about for my next blog and how I could encourage you. In the body, we may bend and many times have a broken & contrite spirit…but God draws near to that broken & contrite spirit.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18”

Though we will go through the fire, as gold also has to be melted down, beautiful things are made from it. Just as the three in Daniel went through the furnace, they were not seen alone, there was a fourth inside of that furnace.

And lastly, the waters of affliction… though the waves come fast & heavy, He promises they will not overtake you. Stepping out in faith is one of the hardest things to do because of fear. Praying for His peace is the greatest freedom I have. My prayer closet is my comfort.

God has placed other people (swords :) in your life to aid in your walk, in your survival as you walk in the furnace….my advice would be to embrace that. Know the difference between the sharp blades and the dull blades in your life, because remember one extremely important thing that is vital for your growth & encouragement…Iron Sharpens Iron and a DULL blade cannot sharpen!! Pray against superficial relationships in your life for selfish gain. Pray for genuine Koinonia: Community!!

May God be with us as we continue to go through Fire & water. I love you guys.

Hey Arnold!!

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 18:38:30 -0400

I saw it only fit to entitle my blog that today. Seeing how I have to find the humor in just about everything. I love cartoons & Hey Arnold is one of those we loved growing up. My blogs are not just used to write weekly encouragements to the brethren (as much as I love doing that), but I also use tumblr to update those who support me on ministry & health. Not just for me, but for hubs.
As for me, I am pressing!! The album release was such a blessing as I have shared with so many. I was able to pour back into my ministry & also get much needed medication. So I am thrilled. Thank you all so much who remain with me in prayer.
As for Jose (my husband), I do have an update for him. The name of the disease he battles is “Arnold Chiari Malformation Type II” (ACM II) hence the title of this blog, hey Arnold!! Lol
In 2003, while active as a US airmen Joey was working an overnight shift in on the missile base we lived on in North Dakota during the winter season, where temps at that time would drop 30 below 0. So cold we got literal tickets for leaving our dogs outside for too long. Deadly cold at some points if left outside for too long. During his shift, he was working a loader and while climbing the grid, didn’t realize it was still full of ice on the top, so when he got all the way up the ladder and stepped on, he slipped on the icy grid & fell off with no where else to hit but the ground below him. He fell back first, hitting the back of his head last unto the concrete. Immediately he felt what he described as electric shocks through-out his body. Up & down his right side. He complained for months to his captain & doctors. In a nutshell, this is what happened….
ACM II is a congenital disease where the lower part of the brain (the brain stem, cerebellum) protrudes too low into the spinal canal opening. In most patients with ACM II they can live an absolutely NORMAL life with the abnormality UNTIL they have a traumatic injury which aggravates it & causes other diseases to develop. This is what happened in his case. With ACM II if the cerebellum protrudes too low into the spinal canal it can compact inside causing cerebral spinal fluid to build up & not flow. When this happens it begins to form inside of the spinal cavity causing what they call a “syrinx” within the spinal canal & this causes lots of damage to the spine. Damage ranges from: nerve damage, scoliosis, gout, numbness & tingling, loss of feeling through out the body & pain. The list continues as any spine damage is extremely dangerous. When Joey fell it aggravated his ACM II causing a severe case of SYRINGHYDROMYELIA (syrinx) in his spinal canal & this caused spinal damage. They waited two years to give him a decompressive craniectomy (2005) after discharging him from active duty as a disabled veteran. His life was changed forever. My Jose has never been the same. Although his laughter is contagious & he remains in the BEST spirits, he goes through a lot. Recently his symptoms have returned, so in December of 2011 they repeated some brain & spine MRI’s to find that his syrinx has grown back in width. It is causing him pain & symptoms are returning as they did back in 2003. We just had an appointment yesterday with his VA doctor who went over what is next. They will be giving him two more MRI’s within the next two months to be thorough & we will be waiting to meet with a neurosurgeon to discuss how we will move forward.
It’s interesting to know that not only am I battling a health issue, but so is my husband. It’s also extremely encouraging to know that we have each other to understand what the other goes through.
It’s hard not get weary some days & just fall down on my face in tears wondering how we are gonna do this, but then I look around & see the help God has sent through the brethren & this overwhelming peace calms me.

Please continue to pray for us as we wait to hear back from the VA. Thank you to everyone who has been such an inspiration to us & do encouraging. I love you.

God is gracious.

Where the heart is.

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 01:31:36 -0400

I was thinking about this weeks blog and what the topic would be. As I was reflecting on sunday’s message by my pastor “The helper & the hinderer” one sentence popped in my head regarding both of those types of people….it all depends on: where the heart is. Although we may not know the heart of man, God does. The bible says that God searches and measures the heart. The heart is a reflection of mans (& women) true motives.

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7b”

“I the Lord search the heart..Jeremiah 17:10a”

“As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19”

As a sister whose goal has been to encourage other sisters in the faith, I wanted to touch on both the “helper” & the “hinderer” when it comes to a body of growing women who are striving to pursue holiness & grow in grace. It can become so easy to be entangled by one who sets out to hinder, that we neglect the opportunities God sets up for us to be encouraged by those helpers he sends to us. Please pray & be encouraged as we dig into both. Ask yourself once you are done reading, where your heart is.

The Hinderer - for us women it can be so difficult to trust anyone, let alone another female! Those dysfunctional issues can stem from a number of different things, but the bottom line is, once we are saved & adopted into the family of Christ we must put on love & the character of Jesus. The pursuit of holiness is one that will take us our entire walk, as we will never obtain glorification in our mortal bodies (we will only obtain our full glorification when in heaven with God). We are being sanctified while in the land of the living, running the race & pursuing holiness on a daily knowing that one day we will obtain the reward given to those who persevere until the end. During this time, we come into contact with several different people, including the “hinderer”.

When going through trials in our walk it is so easy for us to become entangled with people who will ease our pain by condoning our attitudes of not praying, not reading, hanging out instead of spending time with the Lord. In fact, it is so common for us to run into the direction of friends who will enable us to run further into the direction of what I like to call “distraction central”! I don’t want to face my hurt, so let me visit distraction central. It is so much easier for us to run & hide, then actually deal with the reality of feeling the pain & sting of a painful situation. We don’t even realize how harmful it is when we have hinderers in our life that actually drive us to distraction central, show us where it is or even live there. Some hinderers have the motive of purposely enabling you because they are so far from the Lord, therefore it pleases them to see you join them. Other hinderers don’t even realize they are enabling you. They think it is because they love you that they are “comforting you”…but really, they are hurting you by not correcting you. All in all, it’s all about: where the heart is.

I speak from personal experience when I write these blogs, so it isn’t just random ramblings. I went through a really painful situation in my life with my husband. Many are familiar with what happened. There was some hurt & pain involved on both ends. Joey & I have been together a very long time. 23yrs of friendship, 13yrs of marriage. In that time we have faced the pain of illness (him with his brain surgery & me with my kidney disease) and we have faced adultery on both ends (which is something we are not proud of but so thankful that God has allowed us to face & be transparent about without fear or shame of what people will think, but knowing that He gets the glory out of our life & the outcome of where we are today in our salvation). In 2009 there was an incident in which I was reminded of a past hurt committed by my husband. The pain was so intense that I reacted in such a rebellious manner. I became the most wretched & un-submissive wife & women. Disrespecting my husband & my father/pastor. Not wanting to hear anything from anyone. The first thing I did was find comfort in the arms of the hinderers in my life. I found comfort in every distraction I could find & prayer was the last thing I was doing. Until the day that the Lord sent into my life the helper.

The Helper - The dictionary defines this word “Helper” as the following: to assist or aid, to alleviate the burden or others by giving assistance, to assist others to go in a specified direction, to serve, to provide, a means of remedy.

I thought it was so interesting to see all of those words line up with who we are as Christ followers & bondservants (doulos) to the most high God. I was and I am still so very thankful for the helpers that God has sent to my life to aid in my time of broken-ness and trials. Those helpers who were not afraid to correct me when I was wrong, rebuke me when I needed it & love me enough to never give up on me. Whose prayers never ceased for me & still remain with me. The encouragement of those whose hearts remain true to scripture continue to bless my heart. Pleasing God is the goal of the helper, not pleasing man. Honoring God & keeping his statutes. Remaining true to His ways & keeping His people in line with the word of God not just in word but in deed.

The very first time that helper is mentioned biblically was in Genesis 2 when God said, “it is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” From that moment on, the portrait of “helper” is beautifully depicted through-out scripture, no matter how much people have tried to shift the roles of husband and wife through-out time. The authority of scripture is clear because it is the very word of God himself who became flesh to redeem us: “In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. John 1:5” …. scrolling down to verse “and the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14”

All through out scripture we read about the “helper”. Whether we are talking about a wife to her husband, a brother to another brother or a slave to its master; these are the characteristics we will see in the helper, because it’ all about: where the heart is.

Love, loyalty, compassion, respect, encouragement, embrace, kindness, joy, hope endurance, perseverance and the list goes on.

I don’t think I could have made it through many of the trials I have faced had it not been for the helpers God has sent to provide aid. I have experienced His grace through the saints. Many times through out scripture we read how encouraged the brethren are by one-another. Paul begins many of his epistles by telling those saints how encouraged he is by their love or by called them beloved. He shares a deep love for the brethren, even when correcting the brethren, he does it stern but in love. But, there is no greater love than the love of the Father which brings me to my last point…

The definition of the word “helper” paints a beautiful portrait of who Jesus is. He is our aid & assistance, He alleviates our burdens, He assists us in going in a specified direction (which is His way or His will), He came not to be served, but to serve & gave His life for many, He is provider & He was a means of remedy!! AMAZING…He is helper!! Scripture backs that up!!

“So we can confidently say, the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:6”

“Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. Psalms 54:4”

“For you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. Psalms 63:7”

I love that last verse because it sums up my entire life & all that he has done for me. He truly has been my help & I continue to take refuge in the shadow of His wings. I sing for joy!

I wanna close with his…

Pray & seek the Lord. Ask Him to search the inner most chambers of your heart. What are the motives of what you have been doing lately. Are you running from hurt & pain? From correction & rebuke? Do you despise correction? Are you where you need to be? Are you a helper or a hinderer to others around you? Then ask yourself about those you keep as company. Remember that bad company corrupts good character…and that is what the hinderer does. Who is the company you are keeping around you? Is it people who keep you distracted? Enabling you from facing the reality of being broken before the Lord? Keeping you from growing & pursing holiness? Is there purpose behind your conversations & times together? Purpose behind your phone calls & hang outs or are you just constantly wasting your lives? No prayer, no time growing in the Lord? Do not use “fellowship” as an excuse to run from problems or distract yourself. I see that lately and it’s a problem, I saw it in my own life and I had to say it out loud, confess it & deal with it quickly. Nothing I am writing is foreign to me, I dealt with it & that is why I am sharing & encouraging others.

Over the last few weeks, God has placed some amazing people in my life who have been reminding me of what it means to be broken over the gospel & Jesus. Reminding me that unless there is purpose behind our talks & relationships, we should not waste our times doing nothing while souls are perishing. There has been more prayer, more encouragement, more reading of scripture, more genuine fellowship, less idle talk, more love and I am so blessed by the change. I have experienced such grace through the genuine helpers that God has placed in my life & I am so grateful that I was able to recognize the hinderers.

Please beloved, if you are reading this…I encourage you & urge you to do the same in your life. Surround yourself with Christ focused balance because hinderers will only keep you further from the mark. Because again, it’s about: where the heart is.

“Search me O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalms 139:23-24”

Because I care about: where my heart is.

Purpose

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 22:19:31 -0400

Biblical woman hood is something to be taken seriously among the daughters of God. From the moment we are awakened, we must pursue holiness and in doing so we know that we will begin to understand what our role is as women.

I would like to take a look at a few things that I see most women focus on, even women pursuing holiness. A lot of these things can be distractions to us & cause us to veer off of our path quite a few times during this journey we are on called “Christianity”.

Vanity - “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, is to be praised.” First, let’s take a look at what the word charm. Recently I was reading an article on this verse and it was paying close attention to this word. The article mentioned the hebrew meaning for charm being “bodily form”. Other meanings of charm are “Seductive behavior”, “attractiveness”. I thought all of those were very interesting considering what the verse is saying. Let’s say we were using those words instead: “Bodily form is deceitful”, “Seductive behavior is deceitful”, etc. Now, I am not saying that for married women being seductive with your husband is bad, in fact it’s great. Being attractive isn’t a bad thing either nor is our bodily form. What is deceitful though, is how women use those things to cause men to stumble OR being so consumed with your body & your looks, that you do not find your identity in the most high God. I read this verse in both the ESV (English Standard Version) and the NASB (New American Standard Version) and although each version word’s this verse slightly differently, both versions have one thing in common, the LORD is in capital letters. “But a woman who fears the LORD, is to be praised.” The main focus in our life is capitalized in this verse and stands out above everything else and that is, the LORD. It saddens me that today so many of us women consume our selves with how we look, what our weight is, what others will think of us, how attractive the “brothers” think we are, etc. The main focus in our life should be, the LORD. Because we love one another, we should be able to help and encourage one another. We are bondservants to the most High and because of that we must walk in a manner worthy of that calling. Daughters of God must walk in a manner worthy of that calling. We are free to serve. How amazing is that? We that fear the LORD shall be praised. So what does it mean to fear God? To fear God is to de-tatch yourself from this world & it’s desires. Hate what is evil and honor God. “Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. 1 Peter 2:16-17 NASB” In these verses Peter was talking about submission to authority, but for women that is KEY in our roles for living out biblical womanhood & fearing God. Which leads me to my next point.

Materialism - “Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 ESV”

“For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:6 ESV”

“But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. 1 Timothy 6:9-10 ESV”

“And he said to them, “take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. Luke 12:15 ESV”

“He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity. Ecclesiastes 5:10 ESV”

The list goes on!! I found so many scripture verses that covered this subject that it was actually quite interesting to see all of the different wording and references. As I was reading them, I began to pray & ask the Lord to forgive me if I had a heart like this & to remove any of those types of feelings, especially the last verse that I shared. How interesting it was to read that even with an income one can love his own wealth. So many times you hear or you say, “well I bought this because I worked hard for it”…and trust me I am not saying that you cannot buy things with your money that you earn, I just think it is interesting that it mentions loving wealth even with your own income. So many times I hear this and have even felt this way when I worked hard, using that very excuse, ” worked hard for it” when really I didn’t need it. Recently my husband and I had a sister & brother over for dinner and as we ate, we discussed this subject of materialism. I was confessing to them that I use to be so obsessed with sneakers (which many people already know this). When I was working, I would buy a pair or two every pay check. Every year for christmas and my birthday, it was all I would ask for. I would get about 3-4 pairs on christmas and my birthday, so roughly about 8 pairs within that four month span just from christmas and my birthday. Although they were gifts, it was still an obsession and idolatry. The way that the Lord began to show me that was seeing the obsession in others. I began to see and hear others around me so obsessed with the new sneakers coming out & if I did not buy a pair of retro Jordan’s that came out, they would literally go crazy like I had fallen away from the faith. Sounds dramatic, but its the truth. Then I started to see more & more pictures of people just posting their sneakers & boxes of them. It was every where that I looked. It wasn’t just, I am a #sneakerhead, which please don’t get me wrong, I still have sneakers and am a collector who has pairs of retro’s…I just began to see the obsession & idolatry levels becoming so severe and lost interest with much prayer. I would hear of a pair coming out and where I once would be asking for it on Christmas, now I am asking for things that I need for ministry and other things. It is a subject that needs to be addressed and because of love, I will be the one who touches on it. During the dinner with this brother & sister, they mentioned to me looking at an article in the magazine “voice of the martyrs” where a little boy was wearing a pair of card board shoes with plastic strings holding them together. He was telling me how content the little boy looked with his plastic & card board shoes. I have been given such a burden for others and helping. If the Lord were to ever broaden my platform, I would want to help them and the first place i would start is blessing them with shoes. Going from having a sneaker collection obsession to understanding how un-important those things are has taught me that I must be content with what I have. I still have sneakers & occasionally still will pick up a pair, but do I collect them anymore, no I don’t. I have decided to invest my finances in ministry, my health & once I am able I will invest in helping those kids with card board shoes.

Hypocrisy - “On the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. Matthew 23:28”

This point is one that is really important in our roles as daughters of God, wives, mothers, sisters & friends. To have an “appearance” of holiness, yet inside be full of hypocrisy & wickedness is sad & not something you want to associate yourself with. This is a prayer I will often as God to help me with. To search the inner chambers of my heart and to remove anything that resembles anything close to this. In my walk, I struggled with this many times. I did not know how to be honest with those I had issues with, so in the faces of individuals I had problems with, I smiled & pretended to be ok, but inside held resentment. Something I truly had to repent about & ask the Lord to rid me of. It really isn’t an easy thing though, as many times walking as Jesus isn’t easy. BUT, that was not a suggestion given by John, it was a command. “whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. 1 John 2:6”. With that command, I know that I must remain humble & meek, loving & kind. Being loving does not mean being fake. Here is what I mean, many times I hear “we have to see them through the eyes of Jesus, so even if someone is wrong or causes division….we just have to see them through the eyes of Jesus.” I agree to a certain degree. We must forgive, love & pray for them, but also use wisdom in all things. I truly believe God allows us to go through situations for a reason, teaching us lessons in all things. Sometimes he tries to teach us lessons, but because we are always trying to do things our way, we have to go through several different experiences just to be taught the same lesson he was trying to teach us all along….just had to go through several painful situations to get that one lesson. Gossip can sometimes cause the worst division amongst the greatest of friends because a confidence was broken. ”Whoever goes about slandering (gossiping) reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Proverbs 11:13” and “A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer (a gossip) separates intimate friends. Proverbs 16:28” and lastly “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, after nothing more to do with them Titus 3:10” In titus, the context of that is speaking of those who argue about the law & cause division because of arguing their beliefs on others, the context of that passage in titus is not gossip like in proverbs (just wanted to elaborate on that). I used that verse though because the point was, after warning someone who causes divisions with their arguing (that means they do not take heed to the warnings) separate yourself from that because it will only cause problems and more arguing/problems. Use wisdom in your choices but do not be hypocrites. Do not use the excuse of “seeing someone in the eyes of Jesus” and never really addressing that persons issue of causing division among the body or slandering. You are only harming others when for the sake of “peace” you do not address the issues and allow them to lay dormant. Pretending everything is okay and on the outside having an appearance of being righteous, yet inside there is wickedness & hypocrisy is harmful to yourself & the body of Christ. It is toxic poison & spreads like wild fire. If we kill that noise now, we will be more successful in having unity. Too much of it goes on within the body & it’s time to kill it at the root so it remains dead. I had to dig deep within myself and ask the Lord to forgive me for it myself. It was better for me to keep boundaries with individuals, praying for them with love & of course when seeing them always being kind and expressing love, but using wisdom & not allowing myself to over share my life because a confidence had been broken. That was how God taught me how to pray & love those who had hurt me or vice versa, but realize boundaries we needed & here would be no hypocrisy. If you need to do the same in your life, I suggest you do that. It not only frees you from a cage of bitterness but it also opens doors of opportunity to new relationships with those that God has allowed in your life who will keep a confidence, love & respect you as well as lift you up and encourage you.

I am hoping that there were few to no grammatical errors, but using mac and the spell check…I cannot promise you anything. lol

I do hope & pray that these blogs help those that do read them. The transparency & openness of my blog’s comes from years of needing to connect with others who would be the same kind of “real” with me. The last part of the blog “hypocrisy” is never really easy to swallow as some things are hard to hear, and I hope and pray it was not taken offensively. I just know that as we fight harder & harder to move forward with sharing the gospel of Christ, we need more encouragement & less gossip. We need more love & less hate. We need more of Him & less of us.

I will continue to post blogs as I am lead. God is gracious. Let us rejoice in our freedom to worship as many all over the world have to praise & worship in hiding. We have the freedom & liberty to do it openly, let us rejoice & be glad in that!!

I love you.

Solus Christus